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#52 How to reveal your true self

How to identify your true self from your relationships


Do you think you know who you truly are? Does it change when you’re in different situations? Or do you stay the same no matter what’s going on around you or where you are? 


And how much does any of this really matter to you?



Revealing ourselves and who we really are is a lifelong journey of unpeeling our layers. The shedding and stripping us down to our core comes through our relationship with ourselves and with others.


When we’re born our core self is vulnerable and exposed. But through familial and societal conditioning, we start to lacquer on people pleasing techniques to fit in and be accepted.


Our deep human need is to feel accepted by our social groups. But sometimes the cost of that limits our self expression. We all need to feel a connection and bond with others to thrive. But when collective thoughts and groupthink overpower our individualism, we’re bound to get lost in the shuffle.


The core of our being never changes, which in essence is our soul. And it’s usually during intimate relationships with friends and lovers that our true self expression gets exposed. 


When we’re sitting in the middle of those raw moments, we’re quickly faced with developing our character development and tested on how we’re going to respond. 


Such as: What we say vs what we mean. What we think vs how we act. And each instance shapes us by either strengthening our core or stripping it down to its bareness.


Why does this matter? 


We’re always in our authentic state, but how much we reveal to ourselves and others depends on how well we want to know ourselves. Let me give you a few examples.


The further away we get from acknowledging who we truly are, the longer we stay in a fog.


The more distant we push our true nature away, the harder it gets to connect to ourselves.


The longer we dismiss what we need, the sooner we’re more likely to burn out.  


The greater we distract ourselves from our goals, the higher levels of anxiety and depression we set ourselves up for.


Our role is to be a creator. And the only way to tap into raw creative energy is being in our truest state of being. Creating what we want in our lives is intertwined with navigating from a place of honest authenticity. 


In order to do that, we have to clear away any projections that others have put on us and return back to the purest form of ourselves.


One of the best ways in finding our truest self is reflected in our relationships. Everything is connected and everything is relational.


It’s in our relationships that we can see a reflection of where we put our love. Love is the most powerful emotion. Ask yourself how much love are we able to give ourselves and to others. Depending where you place it will expose your nature.


Past experiences hold hidden gems of wisdom. We only have to learn how to ask the right questions to dig it out.


Typically the most precious and hidden wisdom will come from moments where we felt pain and loss. It’s challenging to look back and sort through the muck. But shielding ourselves from a personal truth is an unnecessary form of harmful deceit. 


We want to move through a self-assessment process with kindness. Swap out the mental tactics of attacks and judgment and replace it with compassionate thoughts and curious questions. 


And as we season over time, we learn how to blossom by refining ourselves and letting the core shine.  


Consider reflecting on your relationships to help reveal who you truly are.


Here are 8 questions to journal through.


  1. What feedback have I received from loved ones? Is there any element of truth to what was or is being said? It’s always hard to hear but feedback is important for us to grow.

  2. How have I been able to handle conflict? It’s in moments of crisis that show us who we really are and how we handle intense emotions.

  3. How have I been able to confront and deal with loss? When something doesn’t go right, or we’ve lost something or someone, how have we been able to handle grief over the long haul? How do we cope with it?

  4. How do I manage emotional hurt and pain? Overtime, is the hurt and pain still lingering or have we managed to alchemize this into resolution?

  5. What positive characteristics or traits can I see in myself when faced with challenges? When challenges have come up, how have I risen to the occasion? Am I able to stay focused and disciplined in what I set out for? How have I been there for others?

  6. What could I do differently by learning from past mistakes? We all make mistakes, am I able to see the lesson and learn from my behavior so I know how to correct it?

  7. What are my personal non-negotiable standards? We all need to have a set of core beliefs and values that we set as positive boundaries. This isn’t to push anyone away, it’s more for us to stand in our own integrity and build healthy relationships.

  8. What role do I play in my relationships? Am I always aggressive? Or always passive? Am I able to communicate what I want in a clear way? Am I giving or taking more than I should?


Overall, these questions are here to serve as thought starters in learning what lessons you might have I gained to reveal more of who you are. 


We’re never really lost, we only have moments of feeling disconnected. When we’ve done the work to know who we are, it gets easier to come back home to ourselves.


Share this newsletter with anyone who might benefit from the topic.


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